Sometimes Girlfriendships® are Formed From an Unlikely Pair
When you were younger, did you ever have that friend who did something wrong, acted a certain way, or maybe even because of their lifestyle, gave your parent(s) enough reason to ask you to make a better choice in who you spend your time with? By that request, did you question your ability to choose quality friends? Did you rebel and not heed their advice? Then did you ask yourself, “Why does it matter? Can’t I hang out with whomever I want”?
That's not how it was with me. My mom didn’t really ever dislike any of my friends. I don’t think she had much concern for the choices I made. On the contrary, I think the other parents were more worried about the choices their daughters made in being friends with me!
How about that guy you were seeing that no one liked? You thought they were the freakin’ bomb, but no one else approved of him. Your friends wouldn’t do anything with you when you were with him. You had to start seeing him when no one was around, or only hang out with him and his friends. You lost touch with many friends along the way because of your relationship with him. Now he’s long gone and you wonder where the time went with everyone else. That one has happened to me a few times. Thankfully, I never lost too many girlfriends along the way. I was stubborn and blinded thinking I was with the “right” guy, but in the end, I knew better.
This Week’s Dilemma
So, what happens when you’re friends with one girlfriend and your other girlfriends ask, “Why on earth are you friends with her?” Do you wonder if they’re just jealous? Or maybe it’s because they think you’re not dividing up your time evenly for all to be happy. In my case, I think so many of my friends know me well. Why wouldn’t they? I wear my heart on a sleeve and have no skeletons looming in my closet. (How ‘bout those for cliches)? My girlfriends have almost always known who I am deep down. I’m pretty easy to figure out. But a few of them just couldn’t figure out why I was friends with “so and so” or any of the other “so and so’s”.
Maybe This is the Answer
Do you remember my blog when I talked about bringing home stray dogs? Well, maybe I feel the same way about people. I’m not sure really. I just know that I find something I really like in many people. Qualities that I truly believe others don’t take the time to see. I’m kind of the opposite of the “birds of a feather” sort of thing. That has never been my motto. I am not condemning that motto, it’s just not mine.
I’d like to give you an example of what and who I am talking about, but I can’t. I’m still friends with the people who my other friends have questioned, so to write about them might make them feel bad, and that would be the last thing I want to do. So, I will make up a name and make up a story that parallels my own experience.
She’s a kind soul. When I met her, I knew we would be friends because ultimately, she has a really big, warm heart. Anytime I would ever have an issue, Mimi was there to hold my hand. I, too, would always be there for her. The thing that was odd about her is that, even though she had that big heart, she wasn’t very kind to her kids. She would openly scream at them in front of everyone. It was not only uncomfortable for us watching, but also seemed to be humiliating for her children.
Many times, a few of my other girlfriends would question my attraction to Mimi when she was publicly unkind to her kids. I questioned that too. Maybe it was a great “bad” reminder for me to treat my kids in a more loving way than I, also, sometimes did.
My friends would say, “She does everything that you don’t believe in. She is completely opposite of you. How can you be friends with her?”
Those questions were valid, and I took time to think of them. I talked about it with Pete and he actually thought similarly: “Why are you friends with her?”
I’m still friends with Mimi. Her kids have come away from childhood unscathed (or so it seems). I don’t dwell much about how she raised her kids because I’m certain that the critics would’ve said many of the same things about my parenting. All I know is that she is different than I am in more ways than just rearing kids, but that’s what I think is so great about our girlfriendship®. We can be opposites, respect our differences, and remain great friends.
The Lesson. There’s Always a Lesson.
I clearly understand the concern that my other friends have about the unlikely friends that I do have. Since I’m so easy to read and very vocal about who I am, what I like, and what I do in life, many friends wonder what the heck I’m doing. It’s understandable, and I appreciate that they care enough to be concerned.
Girlfriends teach us many things about who we are and who we are not; they are good about helping us figure out who we want—and don’t want to be.
It’s important to make wise choices when choosing who to spend your time with. Life is short and there are many opportunities to make mistakes. Some can be avoided, but so many mistakes are a learning experience. I will keep being a friend to those girlfriends who provide me with life’s experiences. And who knows, maybe I provide them with some of the same too!
I love that you were with me today. See you next week!
Lisa A.K.A Loopie